Week 12: Monday 29th March - Sunday 4th April 2021
Torture and deception
Wednesday is supposed to be a jogging session, but instead I turn up to find my PT limping towards me, carrying the dreaded ropes.
"Sorry, I've pulled my calf muscle so we're not running today" he says, sheepishly.
I think I may have mentioned before, just how much I hate the ropes. They somehow suck all of the energy out of me. It turns out that these ropes have a name - they're called 'battle ropes' - even that name evokes images of some sort of gruesome, medieval battle scene and an impending sense of doom.
The session feels like torture.
The first set of battle-rope exercises starts with me sitting back in a squat position, whilst making small waves through the ropes, by initiating a flicking action from my wrists. The second lot, I have to create really big waves through the ropes, by doing full arm swings from the shoulders. The third lot, I have to aggressively slam the ropes down onto the floor in one single motion. In-between all of the rope waving and slamming, I'm made to do sprints, to a tree and back.
"This is the last set now, Lisa!" he eventually says, encouragingly.
I feel relieved.
OK, I think. If this is the last set, I might as well give one final, big push of effort.
It turns out that it wasn't the last set.
I'm made to do another sprint to the tree and back. On the way back he shouts out to me, "and now back to the ropes, Lisa!"
"You said the last one was the last one," I exclaim, with annoyance.
"Well, it was going to be...but then I decided you still had some energy left." He laughs with delight, clearly enjoying seeing the agony he's inflicting upon me.
It turns out that even this set isn't the last one - there is one final set of battle-rope exercises before it is all finally, thankfully, over.
A new weapon of torture
My final session is on Friday this week. As I meet up with my PT, I notice he is carrying something different with him today. A new weapon of torture. Something I've never seen before. It's not the medieval battle-ropes with their impending sense of doom. It's not the ten tonne weight-bar that crushes my shoulders. This time, it's a pair of blue boxing gloves!
I find myself laughing uncontrollably as I pull these massive, shiny, blue boxing gloves onto my hands.
"Why are you laughing?" asks my PT with great confusion.
I don't really know how to explain it to him, but somehow, the idea that I'm doing something like boxing just really tickles me. Perhaps it is the comically over-sized and fist-shaped gloves that I have to wear, making me feel more like a cartoon character than a real person. Or perhaps it is the image it evokes in my mind, of big, muscly men with over-sized chests, daintily bouncing around on their toes in a boxing-ring. The idea of me being a 'boxer' just seems so far removed from how I see myself.
We alternate between three types of boxing punches - upper cuts, body hooks and jabs.
"Harder, Lisa! Faster Lisa!" shouts my PT. "Think of someone who really annoys you, and imagine you're punching them!"
Even the idea of punching someone who really annoys me tickles my sense of humour today. Whilst there have been people in the past who I would have loved to punch, right now, I can think of no-one who makes me feel like that. Nevertheless, I manage to find a bit more energy to add some more spirit to my punches.
Closing thoughts on this week
It turns out that boxing is actually rather fun.
Thank you for reading this post!
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This week I have been eating...
Breakfast: Muesli with oat milk. Two or three cups of black coffee throughout the morning.
Snack: Two spoonfuls of grain free granola mix.
Lunch: Mindful Chef's Italian sundried tomato and beef stuffed peppers (one third of a two portion recipe).
Snack: Two cups of tea, each with a dash of milk. Four malteasers.
Dinner: Mindful Chef's mediterranean chicken casserole with quinoa.
Snack: A small bowl of muesli with oat milk.
Breakfast: Muesli with oat milk. Two or three cups of black coffee throughout the morning.
Snack: Three malteasers.
Lunch: Baked beans on buttered toast (two pieces of granary brown bread).
Snack: Two spoonfuls of grain free granola mix.
Dinner: Mindful Chef's beef shakshuka with aubergine wedges.
Snack: A small bowl of muesli with oat milk.
Breakfast: Muesli with oat milk. Two or three cups of black coffee throughout the morning.
Snack: Two spoonfuls of grain free granola mix. Three malteasers.
Lunch: Mindful Chef's roasted pesto salmon and Mediterranean-style lentils (one third of a two portion recipe).
Snack: Two cups of tea, each with a dash of milk.
Dinner: Mindful Chef's beef shakshuka with aubergine wedges.
Snack: A small bowl of muesli with oat milk.
Breakfast: Muesli with oat milk. Two or three cups of black coffee throughout the morning.
Snack: Two spoonfuls of grain free granola mix.
Lunch: Mindful Chef's roasted pesto salmon and Mediterranean-style lentils (one third of a two portion recipe).
Snack: Two cups of tea, each with a dash of milk.
Dinner: Mindful Chef's creamy vegetable and butter bean pie.
Snack: A small bowl of muesli with oat milk.
Breakfast: Muesli with oat milk. Two or three cups of black coffee throughout the morning.
Snack: One orange.
Lunch: Mindful Chef's roasted pesto salmon and Mediterranean-style lentils (one third of a two portion recipe).
Snack: Two cups of tea, each with a dash of milk. A bowl of home-made vegetable soup.
Dinner: Mindful Chef's creamy vegetable and butter bean pie.
Snack: A small bowl of muesli with oat milk.
Breakfast: Muesli with oat milk. Two or three cups of black coffee throughout the morning.
Snack: None today.
Lunch: Mindful Chef's baharat chickpeas, apricot and parsley rice (one third of a two portion recipe).
Snack: Two cups of tea, each with a dash of milk.
Dinner: Mindful Chef's one-pot Spanish paprika chicken with peppers.
Snack: A small bowl of muesli with oat milk.
Breakfast: Muesli with oat milk. Two or three cups of black coffee throughout the morning.
Snack: None today.
Lunch: Mindful Chef's baharat chickpeas, apricot and parsley rice (one third of a two portion recipe).
Snack: Two cups of tea, each with a dash of milk.
Dinner: Mindful Chef's one-pot Spanish paprika chicken with peppers.
Snack: A small bowl of muesli with oat milk.
Up next - my weight loss journey - a progress update
Lisa
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